This Year I died…..

0E32FCFB-0BB4-4E9C-9C72-1F04A6AC5DA5Recently I told someone this year I died. Their reaction was ‘Please don’t say that!’…Then I went on to tell them about my death.. Coming into the year my head was big on what all I was gonna do that I forgot to be… My ego was set on so many superficial things. I had a decent amount of money saved, I was already my goal weight and I had a few opportunities lined up. So I set out to with my head filled with just those things and of course my eye on my prizes (I just wanted my$$ bags). I didn’t know or realize that I was still carrying past hurts from old friendships and past relationships or that I was perceiving the world and people from those very places. Certain people I couldn’t allow myself to trust, or open up to nor could I put myself in places where I felt vulnerable. I relied on the very things I mentioned such as the opportunities or knowing I had a savings for security. Then in the middle of the year I’d been on over 20 interviews, I was making an independent film and I was a journalist part time. Needless to say I started losing my shit… I started feeling like I was peddling and was stuck still. I started feeling like perhaps I wasn’t worthy of the things I had came for. Then I was giving more energy to the things and people around me than I was allowing myself to receive. I was attracting people to me who I wouldn’t even allow close due to the fact I was still wounded. By June I was walking anxiety… I didn’t understand just how I had it all figured out to not knowing what the fuck was going on. I was losing my shit..atleast thats how I felt. Constantly changing my hair until I woke up and cut it all off one day… still searching for my By August I pulled back… certain people I let go of, I had finished the film, and my journalist intern session had ended. I finally allowed myself to be still. I started peeling back the layers…I began to see where I was bleeding and had allowed it to stain my life. Somethings weren’t what I thought they were rather I was looking through stained glasses. I had to clean them…. I began to see where I moved on and never healed…many times over. So I had to sit with and heal my pain.. People I pointed to blame but all along maybe I was just use to playing the victim. My lane is 30 i’m trying to do 100 to keep up… Nah, no more… I totally misperceived who I am. I’m not in a rat race and the people who may’ve hurt them perhaps I wounded them I began to say I love you’s and apologies to gain my peace back and to see my own fuck ups…you see I wasn’t seeing my own fuckups…those very things is what I was carrying around. No not anymore…..I died to those ways of seeing myself and perceiving my own life. It took a lot of tears, pounds of weed (lmao) and a lot of sleepless nights…but i’m at peace again. I love…I forgive…I feel…and i’m so damn grateful for this death of many to be reborn stronger, better, brighter and wiser. I’m blessed. I shed skin…and here I am dilating through rebirth like a phoenix from its own ashes…Blessed, Grateful and Sooooo Thankful! I’m back and I’m better in my B-Tiller voice👸🏾. It’s time….


What it means to Level UP….

IMG_7904‘Never changed up, I just Leveled up’……My favorite line dropped from my favorite rapper (Fab of course). The phrase ‘level up’ has been real popular in pop culture lately. And its no coincidence as the level of consciousness of the planet is shifting up. And it happens as we level up individually in consciousness. So what does it mean to LEVEL UP?  To level up means to strive to be your best self. The things, people, places, tasks are all to evolve you into a higher better version of yourself. Life has a set of tasks, depending on your walk of life and the things that has shaped you determines your set of struggles.  Your struggles could be mental, physical, emotional or all. Once they may appear unbearable or seem to be in control of you. But the battle is learning how strong you are and what overcoming said struggles make you once overcome. Each time you overcome said struggle you level up to another level of YOU. You see how you’re able to conquer anything. Revealing exactly who you are to you… life is tricky at one point things can seem so fluid and peaceful and the grounds can instantly switch. If you’re strong enough you can always see that stronger version of you at the end of the tunnel. The biggest battle is the mental challenge. You always can, but when you live in a mental prison called your mind that says you can’t all you see are the obstacles you perceive and whats worst is you believe them. We have a lot of comfort and many times its that very comfort we have to get uncomfortable evolving past. Letting go of friends, family members, places that we once considered comfortable because we could never truly Level Up until we evolve past those things. It’s not about being comfortable it’s about challenging yourself to evolve past your own limitations until you’re at your highest being aligned with your Queen/King Consciousness. 5 years ago I was comfortable smoking weed all day and getting lost in my thoughts, although apart of me knew that eventually that part of  me would have to take a back seat because I want my divine inheritance above all else. I heard my calling, calling me. As time went on many things began to shift I experienced a lot of pain. People who I was once comfortable with or around didn’t necessarily understand me or resonate with me. Or they felt because I was changing I wanted to change them. I could’ve neglected myself and held on to what was now outgrown friends or acquaintances. And I actually tried but I was dying within. I couldn’t hold on even if I wanted to once the energy os gone the relationship naturally falls away. Lovers, friends, family members. People i’d come to know my entire life (thus far). I even questioned myself because I became lonely and didn’t understand exactly what was happening. I felt like i’d betrayed people, I felt guilty but I also felt like I was doing right by myself and inner journey so there was a lot of confusion and conflict…. But I never changed up, I just Leveled Up!




On the path to becoming a conscious woman/man to reach the consciousness of a Queen/King you go through a series of trials or tests. Through these set of challenges parts of your ego fall away and more of your soul is shown. These tests usually look like depression or just a dark period in your life. But each struggle is much bigger than it appear to be your soul is teaching you a new way to be. In order to gain more and step into a higher level in life, much is expected of you. Your character is developed overtime. You evolve as the challenges aren’t outside of you you’re being tested to come to a higher level of yourself. After overcoming said trials that you may have shriveled at in the moments afraid of the outcome. But once through it a new part of your personality is born. You’re more confident , beautiful, fearless, and bold if you allow yourself to see how that test transformed you. Where you were once afraid, down and out you have clarity and enlightenment. A deeper trust in the divine and life. You’re wiser, stronger, and better.  This is where and how the caterpillar turns into a butterfly….this is a natural cycle of life and death. It is quoted that ‘one should die many deaths before the actual physical death.’ This process consists of shedding old skins and leaving old patterns and people behind. Consciously working to be better everyday through your actions and intentions. This process is also called the dark night of the soul. I feel like i’m being reborn right now… caterpillar-to-butterfly1

Feeling Good comes from Within!

Hey Queens! Let’s talk about feeling good…We live in a time where just about EVERYTHING is related to how it looks on the surface and not the vitality of whats underneath. Including how we look at ourselves at times. When things aren’t together within us we can be quick to pick up our makeup bags and try to cover it up (i’ve done it). Or dress up and go out to run away from whats going on within (i’ve done that too). Or even use drugs and alcohol to ease our minds to soothe again whats going on within us (Guilty Again)! You see Queen’s these are all ways of self sabotage…. I’m no judge here as I admit to have fallen prey to all theses ways to numb my own pain. Rather it was a bad break-up, my feelings were hurt, family issues, money issues, you name it! The thing about all those ‘coping mechanisms’ are they’re only TEMPORARY.  Once you take your make-up off, or you come from a ‘fun’ night out, or when the weed and liquor wears off. Whatever the problem smacks you in the face 10x harder. The challenge lies in feeling the pain and allowing time to heal it, if you keep covering it up it will eventually begin to bleed into other areas of your life. The problem within you begins to show up outside of you. As above, so below…As within, so without.  This is where you have to drop the BullS*hit, and face yourself. Tap in and check-IN with yourself Queen. How does that particular issue hurt? Where does it hurt? How did you allow it to happen? How long has it been a problem before you realized? If you heal this problem who would you be? Who could you be? Feel how you feel and decide how you want to heal and feel. Take your power back Queen! Replace those bad habits with good ones. Every time you want to smoke, go workout instead. Every time you wanna reach for that bottle, pick up that book you’ve been wanting to read forever. Every time you wanna cover yourself up in attempt to run from the problem ask yourself how would you feel if not only you look good, but FELT good. Imagine the glow you’ll have have once you take your time to go through to GROW through. You see Queen, we can run from what’s going on within but we can’t hide. And there’s absolutely NOTHING outside of you that can soothe you within substantially just temporarily.img_9755-e1501461263730.jpgy.  You’re made up 3 entities that are 1 you (Mind, Body, and soul) which is why its absolutely necessary to love, nurture, care & Protect yourself on each level. As women we are so consumed with nurturing everyone around us as thats our innate power and ability , that we can be completely out of touch with who we are.  Please refer back to my last post on loving and nurturing yourself Queen. Tune into you, pay attention to your thoughts, are you negative? Do you gossip too much? How are you treating your body ? Have you gained weight, do you consciously eat or treat your body like a dumpster? Do you make others respect your body? Wait, ask yourself do you respect your own body? Listen to your spirit Queen…do you feel like there’s a part of you who can overcome all you’ve been through if only you can bare staring all your pain in the face?  Your spirit is infinite Queen, you can overcome it all. This is your Journey go through to grow through. Come out a newer, better, stronger, wiser you. Everything you go through is to grow you, make you, not BREAK you. And even if you’re broken, realize you have the power to put all your Pieces back together PEACEFULLY. That’s just how powerful you are Queen… always remember just how good or bad the reality of your life is says everything about the woman you are within. Chose to feel good within Queen, so within can reflect without. As above, so below! Love and Light to you Queen…until next time…-Ariel


As Women, by nature we are nurturers. Nurturers to our children, spouses, in our workplaces, friends, etc. But we can become so consumed with caring for others that we often times forget about nurturing and caring for ourselves. Getting quiet and still enough to listen to our Minds, Bodies, And Spirit to know what it takes to keep ourselves nurtured and balanced in all areas of our lives. Giving the Fact that as women we are the receptors we must be receptive to our own needs. In order to be receptive of our needs we must continuously listen to ourselves. The intuition is the mind of our heart, we aren’t taught how to consciously use and listen the wisdom of our heart/intuition. Our intuition isn’t based on what we can touch,taste,smell,hear or see. Our intuition is what and how we feel, its a knowing beyond what you know. You just know it! You don’t need concrete evidence to actualize what you can feel just trust yourself. If something, someone, someplace doesn’t feel right; Let it go. This is one of many steps to loving yourself by honoring yourself. We all know how it feels to not listen to or honor ourselves. It’s that constant “something told me not to.” That something is YOU, listen to yourself, get quiet and check in with your self. Realize where and when you block out your intuition and let it back in. Our heart’s can only lead us if and when we allow it. If it doesn’t feel good 90% of the time because its not. I’ll say the other ten percent of what doesn’t feel good are growing pains when we becoming reactive to what we’re uncomfortable with because of what we are comfortable with. Get comfortable being uncomfortable, because it’s only there when you become the Butterfly after the Caterpillar shed it’s last skin. Listen to yourself, feel yourself, take charge of yourself, free yourself. Rather it be leaving that friendship, job, relationship, old habit, old way of thinking, old way of being. Thats called loving yourself, you deserve your love more than anyone you can give it to, and you truly can’t love another sis until truly know what it takes to love yourself. Go and Love Yourself QUEEN! How can you possibly know what’s broken within you if you can’t listen to whats going on within you? A Drama Queen lives and thrives in Chaos,  hear the chaos and chose to heal and rise above it to become the Peace Queen. You deserve to be at Peace Queen. Love and Light! – Ariel selflove-dylanglynn